Dear Alex

Dear Alex,


                     I miss you so much and so want to talk to and wish we hadnt had that stupid fight. There is so much I want to say to you but I cant because we are no longer speaking. You so hurt my feelings with that stupid email from facebook and last text message that i just gave up. Again. I cant believe after all we have been through last year with us together in Italy and me being there for you when you got back dropping everything for you when you called. For you to just end our friendship like that over a stupid Spa date that i didnt even keep and then to delete me off of your facebook page the email you sent and to have Brad and Jason both ask me about money that for months you didnt even care about was to much. I cant believe you would do this to me. I cant believe you would do this to a person who loves you the most who put you ahead of my family, you were my family for years and you so hurt me that i just couldnt believe it. I would never do anything like that  to you ever. And you do this when my dad is sick? I would never leave you when something so awful was going on in your life i was there for everything you went through last year and you drop me like i was nothing and replace me so easily with someone else someone you met online. I cant believe how replaceble I am for you and it hurts so much, so very very much that you truly dont give a fuck about me and probaly never really have you and Brad and i dont understand. I cant replace you with anyone not Toni Lucy Yudelka no one. And I cant seem to move on with my life or my feelings knowing that all we shared meant nothing to you at all. It sucks. But despite how much it sucks how much i miss you and want to be with you so much i know it is for the best and have known that for years that our friendship is over and has been over for a very long time and no amount of loving you and caring for is going to change who you are i finally realize that. I gave all my love and affection and loyalty to the wrong  person when i should have loved myself more and family my sisters included and my nieces. I miss you, i will always love you and so wish that things were different that you would love me the way i so wish you  would or anybody could, love me but you cant and i kept hoping and praying that would but you never will, you have proven that time and time again and this past January proved that. My sister called a few months back and said now she understands that she is an option in my life and i never have to speak to her again. It really hurt and bother me that she said that, that i made her feel that for it was never my intention but it is the truth. I realize that i am that for you an option that you can take or leave me and that is the worst feeling in the world.  I will never make anyone feel like that again and wll never let you do that to me again i realize now that i must make peace with those who deserev it truly! Instead of trying with those that can replace me in a month. I love you and miss you, know i can never replace you but know deep in my heart no matter how badly i want to be with you it is better this way because you will never truly love me the way i need you too the way i love you and im so sorry for it and so wish you could. You are my soul mate, my best friend forever and for always and i will love you for always.But i need to start loving me and those around me more than  you if im ever going to me happy in my life.